10 lessons learned as a working momMany moms can agree that morning can be a caos or should I call it a battle?
This morning was one of the mornings that I didn’t wake up extra early (thanks to the daylight saving, I am still recovering). As I was getting my kids ready to school, I reached out to the kitchen cabinet to grab a water bottle for my daughter since she forgot to bring the one she normally uses. When I opened the cabinet, one of the glass cups fell off… it was more like just popped out that I had no time to react to catch it.
Straight from the top to the bottom… The glass cup was shattered all over the floor.
I don’t have the time for this. I only had 15 minutes to be out of the door with my kids. To be honest, i don’t remember how it happened, but I somehow managed to clean, vacuum and get myself ready to go to work.
Maybe we left later than usual? Maybe my girls were wearing some crazy not so matching clothes? Maybe they didn’t brush their hair well?
It was a miracle morning.
Since I became a working mom, there are so many things that I have learned. I would not trade with anything else! Being a working mom is a challenge but I know that I’m becoming a better person and lessons that I have learned is so valuable.
Here are 10 important lessons I learned as a working mom.
#1: There is no such a thing as a “perfect” mom:
As a mom, we put so much expectation on ourselves and we try to do everything. Of course the standard we set is pretty high I bet!
In a reality, what happens can be completely opposite of what we expected…. I mess up all the time, I fight with my kids, I get frustrated and sometimes I’m being really hard on them.
Lesson: It is ok to let our kids to be creative. We don’t have to make everything perfect. Kids are not looking for a perfect mom. They just want you. Everyday is a journey and kids learn from their parents and we learn from our kids.
#2: Understand what your kids want not what you want:
As a mom, we all want the best for our kids. We want our kids to have the best experience, best learning environment and best of everything! We also (secretly or not so secretly) want our kids to have the best grades as well…
Lesson: It is great to give opportunities for our kids but you cannot push or force our kids to do it.
As a working mom, every day is a “go- go- go” so I sometimes forget to ask how my daughter is enjoying. Instead, I get mad at my kids if they are not having fun or not engaging the activity.
Take some time to touch base with your kids and understand their feeling.
#3: It is ok not to cook every meal:
How did we get an idea that we are a bad mom if we feed kids chicken nuggets, mac n cheese or pizza ?
I had an expectation that I need to cook every meal. (such a crazy idea… I know….) My role is now to feed my kids and it does not matter how the meal is prepped. My husband sometimes make a joke about “so much on getting married with a Japanese person…”
Lesson: We gotta do what we have to do! Buying food is acceptable and it is not the end of the world if we feed some store bought meal.
#4: It is ok to have fun: Don’t make an excuse that I can’t do XYZ because I’m a mom:
Lesson:Listen up! We have to make a priority to have our own time because self care is not selfish.
We need to understand our life has a season. If your kid is a baby, maybe this is the season of your life to have lots of “me time” and the time will come again. As it feels like the baby is the boss of the house but you still have the power to manage your time. Find even 5 minutes to sit down and recharge.
I also recognized that the reason why I couldn’t have my own time is because of me…. We all need to learn how to allow others to help you and give yourself a time.
This is for a first time, new moms…. The way how you have fun is changing – no night club dancing on the floor but you will make amazing mommy friends who can really understand your pain.
To be honest, I love going to the kids parties and meeting with new people. Motherhood can also bring new mommy friends in your life.
#5: Give the task to your husband:
Sometimes, my husband will say, why do I have to help on this. This was my answer to him. NO, you are NOT helping me. It is called you are taking care of your own kids.
Lesson: So many times, we as a mom want to take a control over and we want to do it on our way but we need to allow our husband to let him figure out and do the task on his own way.
#6: Say Sorry to your own kids:
This is a big one for me! There are times that I am being too strict and I get in an argument with my kids. I am still working on this one. Once I happened to see my angry face through a reflection of the window and realized…. wow, this is person that my kids are seeing right now.
Lesson:Remember, each child has their own feeling, and they get hurt. It is a great opportunity to say sorry and explain why you are mad and how we as mom and kid can work together and make the situation better.
#7: Pick Your Battle:
Kids are a little human being like us. We cannot make everything the way we want it!
Clothes are not matching? Who cares! Kids are not going to a fashion show!
As long as kids are not going to be in a danger, let them explore and have them learn their own!
#8: Don’t forget about YOU:
As a working mom, we tend to forget about ourselves because we are so busy with work and kids
Lesson: Mommy can take a break and enjoy about being you. We can think about our own career and possibilities of our own feature.
Seriously, dishes can wait, laundry can sit in a dryer for one day… or even a week…. We all need to live our on life.
#9: It is ok to be a working mom:
I used to feel bad about leaving my kids at daycare but I quickly learned that I needed to get out of this mommy’s guilt mindset.
Lesson:Kids are fine at daycare. They are learning! We are bringing important resources for our kids to live. Health insurance, money, and most importantly, we are being a role model that we can do it!
Often times, moms judge each other about being a stay at home mom or working mom. It is a choice. There are moms out there, they may not have the option to work due to a daycare arrangement situation. There is no such a thing as right or wrong.
As Maui from Moana said… it is nanya! (none of your business)
We all have to understand that we have a different expectation and no need to compare each other.
#10: Being a mom is not over!
I hear people are saying “once you become a mom, you have to give up certain things…” It is all about how you think!
o Give up on your career? NO! You come back from where you have left. You can also take advantage of the time you are staying at home with your baby and think about what you are really good at and think about your next career move.
o Can’t wear a cute clothes? You can still rock your clothes. It is your choice. I love dressing up when I go to work because I don’t have to worry about my kids wiping their dirty hands or face with my clothes! I still wear a high heels. I just cannot wear them all day straight but I see moms but my job is a desk job so majority of the time, I just take them off…. (sometimes I kick them that it get lost underneath the desk).
Yes, your body shape may change but it is part of being a mom and embrace it.
o Can’t hang out with friends: Make new mommy friends. I had to change my dynamic of my friends but now I have best mommy friends
o Don’t have the time to do anything to yourself – Guess what! I am a mom of two and I started my own podcast, my blog and volunteer work after having two kids. I didn’t do any of that before pre kids time.
“I’m a mom and it is over” is just an excuse.